Crosswalk Signals are Racist? Who Knew?..Get a Load of This

It’s startling how many things never given a second thought are now considered racist. Some are blatant portrayals, while others…not so much.

Aunt Jemima was retired into oblivion. Uncle Ben quit the rice industry after a long and successful career. Land O’ Lakes ditched the squaw in favor of a plain red circle. Eskimo Pies have melted away, and D.C.s pro football team is in a quandary over what to now call themselves.

Emotionally wounded liberals are searching every nook and cranny for anything they can apply the term “racist” to. Anything, and for the most part, everything, regardless of how subtle.

We are all familiar with the type of traffic symbols that let pedestrians know when it’s safe to cross a street. The annoying beeps let us know to get ready to run before the signal quickly changes back to red. Good luck if you’re a slow walker.

But you were probably never aware of how the figure of a person illuminated with white light, signifying it’s safe to cross, is racist heathen. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know. Neither did anyone else. Until now.

A black man was recently in the company of a white woman as the two of them took their respective children on a leisurely walk together around Manhattan. It was just another day in the hood and this was a daily routine for the two friends.

As they stood at the intersection waiting to safely cross the street, the white woman said to her daughter, “Remember, honey, we need to wait for the little white man to appear before we can cross the street.”

Never before thinking anything about the colors of a traffic signal, the black man suddenly had a thought. “Why do people everywhere have to wait for a white man’s approval to cross a street?”

Given the ridiculousness of the mans’ thought, wouldn’t the illuminated red person indicate racism toward Native-American’s? And wouldn’t the green person be offensive to visiting aliens from a faraway planet? Well…it hasn’t gone that far yet. The whiners and complainers are taking one step at a time. And for now, it’s the white guy.

The black man thought back to his childhood when these types of signals were huge black boxes that spelled out the words “walk,” and “don’t walk.” His curiosity was peaked when he asked his friend, “Why were these signals replaced with a white guy?”

Yeah, we know. Pretty stupid, huh? The designers of these signals undoubtedly did not have racism in mind when they selected which colors meant what. And who can imagine even being able to see the walk light if it were to be illuminated in black?

The light is white for a reason. It’s easier to see. That’s all there is to it. The end.

But this isn’t the end. The man felt he needed to research this obvious oversight further, so he went all the way to the Federal Highway Administration (FHWA) with his complaint. The illuminated little white man had to go.

This is when the egg splattered all over his face. He was quickly informed by the FHWA that what he was raising hell about was not a little white man at all. It’s what they refer to as a “hominoid,” though they also referred to it as a “gender-neutral walking person.”

Because of America’s global population and the use of many languages, the original word signals were replaced by hominoid figures so everyone would understand their meaning and not get smacked by a speeding pizza delivery driver.

A spokesperson for the FHWA said this, “The use of icons instead of words on traffic signs has been a slow but steady evolution for decades because they improve universal comprehension. This is not a recent development.”

The hominoid is actually “lunar white,” a color consisting of yellow and gray accents meant to mimic moonlight. According to the spokesperson, lunar white offers “the peak sensitivity for the rod cells in the human retina.”

The spokesperson added, “The use of bright color offers the greatest contrast against a dark background. They do not lend themselves to confusion with other colors [and] are thought to provide the greatest level of comprehension and safety.”

So there you have it. The complaining man went home with his tail tucked between his legs. The actual end.