Pelosi Releases Husband’s Assets…That Guy Always Knows Where to Invest…Hmmm…

Michael Candelori /

Successful politicians have mastered the fine craft of consecutively speaking from both sides of their mouths, but hands down, the coveted trophy goes to Nancy Pelosi. That gal can whip her forked tongue around like a serpent on steroids and she just wiggled it in all its wonder by disclosing her poor yet wealthy slob of a husband’s most recent investment assets. 

Her timing is convenient considering how a U.S. House panel is scheduled to meet on March 16 to kick around the idea of banning stock trading for members of Congress and their spouses. Pelosi knew this meeting was coming up and so did her hubby, thanks to her tipping him off. 

Always seeming to know the exact right stocks to invest in, financier Paul Pelosi is placed on a pedestal by wannabe traders who mimic his every move. “Man that guy can pick ‘em.” Another craft learned in the political realm is the delicate art of trading favors under the table. None of their backs itch for very long and Nancy Pelosi has grown some of the longest fingernails in the business throughout her way too overly extended career. 

Pelosi believes in the marriage philosophy of what’s mine is yours inclusive of sharing secrets she shouldn’t have been privy to catching wind of in the first place. Secrets like which markets and corporations are getting ready to explode versus which ones are heading to a landfill. The couple’s tag-team approach has landed Ms. Nancy in the 13th position of the filthiest dripping-rich members of Congress. Some might refer to her and her husbands’ tactics as ‘insider trading’ but that’s not for us to decide. Damn it.

As things now stand, Congressional members are allowed to make stock investments but where they or their respective spouses place their money must be reported within 45 days in accordance with the STOCK Act. Following a five-month investigation by Inside, it was discovered that at least, and probably more than, 182 senior congressional staffers hid their investments along with dozens of lawmakers who make the laws they feel okay to break.

Only because of his wife whispering sweet nothings in his ear, Paul Pelosi is a major stockholder in corporations such as Netflix, Facebook, Tesla, Slack, and Alphabet. All solid investments. The man can’t seem to lose.

At first, Nancy Pelosi raised a stink over the unfairness of even considering the idea of blocking investing, but it was a not so clever ploy that’s easy to see through now that she’s flip-flopped and decided she favors it.

Here’s why. She was stalling for time. The old hag isn’t getting any younger as is evidenced by her Grand Canyon-like face and that boney trembling finger of hers she’s fond of waving around like a burnt-out lightsaber.

Have you noticed how she hasn’t been in the spotlight much as of late? She’s doing what’s required but her tsunamis of disruptive behavior are more tranquil and serene than in days of yore, and this is intentional.

She got what she wanted by tipping her husband off. They’re now set up to retire in luxury without a care in the world so the last thing she wants to do is risk her gold watch by getting tangled up in a ruckus. Since the happy couple is set for life and jumping out of the investment game anyway, why not just go along with the majority and be done with it? No skin off her baggy butt. 

The bright spot in all of this is that the U.S. will much sooner than later be rid of the foul-spitting dragon. The sad part is how neither she nor her husband will ever be shackled to a chain gang, which is the only befitting ending for their crooked and self-centered careers. ‘Merica!